It’s almost Halloween, so if you’re not trick or treating, partying in full costume, navigating your way through a haunted house, or holding someone tight on a scary hayride, you’re most likely watching horror movies. This year, hopefully, you’re doing so at home and not in a theater.
The only two horror films that seem to be playing in theaters across the country at the moment are “Paranormal Activity 3,” a tired sequel, and “The Thing” prequel/remake/rehashed garbage that you already know it is. It’s fitting that these are the only options big studios are offering this season, as they both represent what moviegoers are forced to choose between almost every week of the year.
This will also be the first year in seven years that there will be no consecutive “Saw” sequel, as the producers finally laid that franchise to rest, at least for now, after meticulously cutting out every last enjoyable feature those movies offered.
The closest thing any studio seems to be touting at the moment is the “Paranormal Activity” series, where cheap cameras, or nice cameras made to look like cheap cameras, film people throwing themselves across rooms between panicky dialogue written by the director’s 10-year-old kid.
If there was any way I could type a sigh loud enough for you to hear, I’d do it right here.
I’ve been thinking a lot about horror franchises this month, as it’s become an annual tradition of mine to watch Cinemassacre’s Monster Madness throughout October to get me in the holiday spirit.
Found at www.cinemassacre.com, filmmaker and internet star James Rolfe, better known online as the Angry Video Game Nerd, started the series of horror movie reviews back in 2007. Each day of the 31 days of the month, James highlights a different movie, offering an honest and detailed analysis of both major blockbusters and obscure B titles.
The theme of his reviews this year is sequels, discussing Universal Studios’ “Frankenstein,” Hammer Films’ “Dracula,” “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” and “Halloween,” along with their subsequent follow-ups. From my earlier stabs at franchises, it may seem like I’m completely against the idea of sequels, but I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea that the story doesn’t always end once the credits roll.
It has become a staple of the genre to venture forth and continue where they left off. It’s easy to bash today’s hackneyed ploys for quick money, but any true horror fan knows that Hollywood has been playing this game for much longer than most of our lifetimes.
With each sequel comes a different filmmaker’s take on a familiar story, with some picking up the ball and scoring while others. Some become just as memorable as their precursors, while most end up on late-night cable.
The rationale behind any series is simple – we all want to know what happens next. If we enjoyed the original story, then we gladly pay that ticket price again for the safe bet or assumption that this one will be as good as the last. What interests me almost as much as where the story will go is how the writers ultimately decide that storytelling path.
What possessed someone to turn the faceless serial killer Michael Myers into a mindless pawn for a Satanic cult? Who in their right mind thought “Exorcist II: The Heretic” needed physic powered-girls and brainwave devices?
The only thing scarier than these ideas were probably the substance abuse problems the writers assumingly suffered from.
Fans, for some reason, forgive these indiscretions, buying box sets to complete their collections to let most discs collect dust. Eventually, as the movies go on, the entertainment value changes from jumps to laughs, so you can often take pleasure in just how bad it ended up.
This too became a pillar of the genre. Who doesn’t enjoy a good night of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”-like commentary with friends?
So while I continue to lament the present offerings Hollywood has produced, or rather thrown up like pea soup on an unsuspecting priest, I see the need for the bad as much as the good. Maybe in a few years, I’ll forgive Jigsaw for leaving us with a whimper rather than a trap-induced bang.
For now, I’ll enjoy my Halloween with a DVD marathon that will at least be memorable 40 percent of the time. It seems that’s about all we could ever hope for.
