It happens on a Tuesday, of all days. Through Precognition, Saiki wakes up from a vision of a pink-haired monster obliterating global status-quo, starting in Japan. And to be honest, as much as he complains about his life, Saiki doesn’t want that.
Typically, he’d leave such things to others – “professionals,” some might call them – but from his premonition, Saiki learned that relying on others would work out horribly. For his loved ones’ (mom’s) sake, he figured he should go out of his way to help.
When he first heard of curse users and sorcerers, he didn’t give it much thought. He was out on an errand years ago – not floating, because by two years old he finally realized that was alarming for the employees – when he heard someone’s inner monologue about the curses nearby, just as loud and panicked as the kid behind him who realized he didn’t have enough money for the Jump in his hands.
From there onwards, the topic came up here and there with a small handful of people he passed, but frankly, he just wasn’t interested. What was the use of manipulating curses when you could manipulate the science of curses themselves? He’d leave the curses to the sorcerers and the sorcerers could leave him to his coffee jelly, sitting on the park swing and sorting rocks into pictures in the air.
Although he could never see the curses like Toritsuka with ghosts, he understood they existed and therefore could counter them if need be, but he didn’t even have to do that. He had minimal experiences with curses, which he figured went along with being a psychic. Even manifestations of negative energy must’ve known he wasn’t worth messing with. Moreover, even if they were harming his peace of mind like the ghosts in his room (thanks, Toritsuka), he could ignore them because he couldn’t see them.
When Saiki first saw Nendou, he thought he’d seen one for the first time, only for the guy to walk up to him and start calling him “buddy.” He was no professional, but he was pretty sure curses didn’t do that.
Especially as a teenager, going to Jujutsu High also wasn’t his ideal life. It would only complicate his own life, education, and his parents’ safety. Plus, he already saved the world multiple times, so he thinks he’s done his part. Hell, the sorcerers seemed to even have an okay system of schools, training, and laws, so they could handle themselves. At least, that was what he’d hoped.
Before leaving he thinks about bringing Toritsuka, because maybe curses fell under the bodiless spirit-manifestation thing, but decided against it for his own sanity. Even if it meant he’d have to work harder, lugging Toritsuka around would be a drag. At 6:55 PM on October 31, Saiki teleports to the scene. His first thought is, Wow, everyone’s voices are really loud here. Although, it is Shibuya Station, full to the brim with part-timers and salarymen even for Japan. If there’s any place to collect negative energy and get your head split in two from complaining thoughts, this was it.
For now, he’ll assess the situation and stay out of it. He was new to this, after all.
Saiki sits invisible at platform B2F, waiting to see the faces in his premonition. Thankfully, it doesn’t take too long before a pink haired boy is approaching him. Or, well, approaching where he is. The boy can’t see him, but he’s staring at Saiki’s direction so intensely that it’s making him uncomfortable.
Thankfully, the kid’s thoughts were loud and clear, enough for Saiki to hone-in on and get a general grasp on the situation.
Woah, look at those incredible legs, and that jaw, the kid thought. And since it can understand curse-words, it must be a high-level curse…
Suddenly, the kid started throwing kicks and punches at the air. It looked like he made an impact with the air, and he even dodged and parried at consistent intervals. It was arguably the best miming Saiki had ever seen.
It bites, has four arms it can control freely, and comes at me with no hesitation.
Four arms? Saiki thinks. Well, it wouldn’t be the oddest person he’s seen before.
Through continuing to listen to his thoughts, which process the words from the curse’s mouth, Saiki gets a grasp on their conversation. The curse is dumb, this kid, Yuji, is less dumb, and both of them think too much during a life-or-death battle.
By the time their battle seems to be reaching a climax, it’s been almost ten minutes, and Saiki’s invisibility is about to wear off. He figured it was now or never.
Calmly, while Yuji fought, Saiki walked behind him and put his hand on his shoulder. Naturally, the kid felt alarmed and threw a look behind himself, catching Saiki in the act as his invisibility instantly wore off upon touch.
But now, that was the least of Saiki's concerns. Through touching Yuji, Saiki was able to connect with Yuji's senses in exchange. As it turned out, the “curse” was a grasshopper.
Abruptly, time froze, the world tilting.
Sure, the grasshopper was huge and technically just a curse in the form of a grasshopper, but if you were allergic to peanuts and smelled something peanut-like that wasn’t, you still wouldn’t like it.
Instantaneously, before Yuji could even do anything, Saiki teleported away.
But to his surprise and rapidly running heartbeat, he scanned the area only to realize he didn’t teleport far at all. In fact, several more people were having their own battles against curses, still in Shibuya. Saiki released a long, tired breath, holding a hand to his heart.
What were all these minor fights for? He knew that most major issues began with a small problem, but this felt like a lot to sit through – at least a hundred weekly chapters.
Abruptly, he heard a cry for help. Another one, that is, because those came in quite often. Just a minute ago, a fifteen year old a block away was crying over his chemistry homework. Saiki couldn’t blame him too much.
Anyway, Saiki teleported to the scene of a platinum haired man, two long-haired men who smelled of sewers, and a lot more miming. Saiki sighed. This was going to be a long evening.
As it turned out, the world didn’t end that day. In fact, it didn’t even come close. Saiki teleported back home, somewhat spent from turning invisible, sneaking around, and hearing monologues that could fill up 57 Jump chapters – and all for what? To remember the bitter reality that Precognition never gave him the full context, meaning this incident wasn’t the final one, but part of the build-up? Like the fireworks scene in every cliche romance novel, leading the reader to think they’ll confess at midnight when, really, they’ll be waiting another 200 pages before they overcome their miscommunications.
He tried to find solace in the fact he saved a few lives today, even if he was making an effort to not intervene. Staying in your own lane becomes increasingly difficult when multiple thoughts of HELP ME are flooding into your head. It was to his own small comfort that Saiki told himself that secretly saving those people would be enough to alter the end of the world, something like a butterfly effect. In reality, he knew that if those people couldn’t defeat their current enemies, they definitely could beat that maniac he saw in his premonition.
Actually, there was something quite strange. Well, more strange than the rest of the strange things he saw that day. That Yuji kid looked awfully similar to the tattooed monster in his vision, and with his shounen protagonist-like, descriptive inner thoughts, Saiki had enough ground to believe they might be the same person. The kid himself seemed rather heroic, though, so it was almost hard to believe.
He considered the possibility of a Naruto-Kurama “two souls one body” situation and figured it wasn’t impossible.
He sighed. This was getting pretty convoluted. After all of this, he would really deserve some coffee jelly.
It’s been a while since the battles in Shibuya, and Saiki’s almost relieved when he sees the same premonition a second time. Sure, it was nice believing his small actions had solved everything already, but he was still paranoid that there was more to come. At last, he could rid his mind of this looming doom and continue his every-day life with the certainty that it was over.
Although, he realized he may have been partly to blame for the drawn-out feud, for not helping that platinum man back in Shibuya. From what little he kept up with, apparently he’d been imprisoned while Saiki had taken a breather, delaying the final battle and forcing his allies to change their plans… Yikes.
Oh well, he’d make up for it today.
This time, Saiki teleports to Shinjuku. Once again, a city-heart, pumping with stress from overworked salarymen and teenagers lapping at the feet of good universities. Having learned his lesson from last time, Saiki arrives fashionably late, skipping all the freeze-frames, monologues, and allies’ explanations of said monologues.
BOOM!
The corner of a building is vaulted against another, shattering glass and crumbling cement.
Okay, maybe Saiki could have shown up sooner.
“Dismantle!” A man yells, wearing the same tattoos as Saiki’s premonition had shown him, though now on paler skin and framed by dark black hair. Across from him is that platinum man, who by now Saiki had cared to remember was named Gojo. It would be easier for readers than saying ‘platinum man,’ Saiki realized, and would also defend The Disastrous Life of Saiki K from being sued by Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure’s copyright team.
Saiki spectates, floating off to the side. These guys seem pretty wrapped up in their business, and even if they have fleeting thoughts of another presence, Saiki can drown those suspicions out of their minds.
In only a matter of minutes, multiple buildings are decimated, making Saiki glad that these monsters had the foresight to evacuate civilians. By now, he got the gist of the situation, right up to speed. And right in time, too.
“Domain expansion!” The men yell in unison.
The next thing Saiki knows, there’s a huge black orb where the two stood. It seems pretty neat, like a tidy container to keep the mess in, and Saiki finds contentment for a short moment before the orb disappears, reappears bigger, and in less than a minute becomes smaller than it originally was. If he wanted to enter that thing now, it seemed impossible. Thank god for clairvoyance, or else Saiki might’ve guessed the two idiots accidentally killed themselves with their own cursed techniques.
For a moment, Saiki seriously considers if this event is worth his time. From the looks of it, it’s just two men who will slap hands until they’re both tuckered out, the only downside being major collateral damage to the city infrastructure. Plus, he’s actually quite happy about this orb they made, containing their combined chaos.
… Or not, Saiki sighs. Right as he jinxes it, the orb is broken again.
What is this, a cheap soccer ball from the Dollar Store?! The battle’s getting tiring to keep up with and Gojo’s thoughts aren’t helping. Saiki already watched half of the fight, and all of Gojo’s thoughts that are explaining what Saiki literally just saw are becoming overwhelming.
The next thing he knows, Gojo’s miming more fighting, and Saiki realizes it’s time to step in. Gojo’s mindset isn’t looking the most positive even after hurting the other with his Domain, and what’s annoying Saiki more is that he has no idea what’s going on right now. It seemed Gojo’s opponent summoned a curse and, like before, Saiki can’t see it. As a psychic, you get used to understanding everything and anything, so these few moments of unawareness really get to you.
Saiki sighs and cracks his neck half-heartedly before teleporting behind Gojo. If not for the description of panic that flashed through Gojo’s head, Saiki would have been elbowed, instead dodging to the side effortlessly.
Megumi never showed me this curse, Gojo thinks, loudly. Who could it be, for me to not notice and Sukuna to summon him so easily in tandem with Mahoraga?
“I’m not a curse,” Saiki says through his thoughts, unamused.
From the distraction, Gojo almost gets throated. “Ah, sorry,” Saiki thinks to him. “Just give me a minute.”
Before Saiki can touch Gojo to see the curse, he addresses a key detail he picked up from observing. Stop it, Saiki thinks, then transports his intentions into Gojo’s head. Finally, Saiki can touch Gojo – frozen in shock – without that silly Infinity thing. Seriously, it was like Nendou at school. “I’m not touching you,” Nendou would say.
Then Kaidou would join in, not poking Saiki but explaining for the sake of finally having a use for cram-school. “Technically speaking, he isn’t, because molecules never fully touch. They simply form bonds, which repel or attract one another. The physical sensations we feel are just the result of bonds forming, to put it simply,” Imaginary Kaidou laughs, holding a hand to his head as if wearing glasses.
Saiki feels a lot more drained just thinking of it. But on the bright side, now he can see this Mahoraga thing. He’s not sure if he’d consider it uglier than the grasshopper or not. Those beady eyes… Suddenly, the King of Curses doesn’t seem all that evil.
“Another pawn? I’m disappointed,” the other man, who Gojo called Sukuna, frowns half-heartedly. “I almost thought higher of you than to rely on your friends for help, even after coming forward as ‘the Challenger.’ But it’s no matter,” Sukuna grins. “I’ll just skin you both.”
So graphic, Saiki thinks. The Disastrous Life of Saiki K has a TV-14 rating, though, so good luck with that.
Gojo recovers quickly, trying to heave Saiki’s arm from his shoulder. Saiki lets go, but only because holding Gojo’s wrist is easier. It offers a better grip, like holding a flashlight.
But how? Gojo thinks. It’s impossible. I sense no cursed energy from this kid, yet he can nullify my technique. Who is this monster? How is his grip so strong, and why… can’t I concentrate my energy into a technique, not any at all?
“I’m sorry, but I’m going to need to keep holding you,” Saiki thinks. “It’s a lot easier to fight when I can see my opponent.”
The real issue is that Saiki doesn’t want to hurt the body this Sukuna guy is in. From what it seems, Sukuna’s soul is using another person’s body, so if Saiki kills him physically the kid might die too. That’s no good.
It would also be unfair to put Sukuna in an eternal state of stillness by controlling his thoughts, because then the kid could never return to his body.
It left one solution.
For the sake of not exhausting too much power, Saiki stopped influencing Gojo’s thoughts, allowing him to use his Infinity again. Reading his mind, Saiki dodged again when Gojo continued to punch and kick.
“I’m not your enemy here,” Saiki thinks in frustration, mostly to himself. “I haven’t even hurt you yet; isn’t that other man the one who’s in your student’s body right now?!”
Gojo doesn’t give up his barrage, even daring to use a cursed technique that Saiki predicts the angle of once again. Gojo can “slow” contact and therefore create the illusion of contorting physics, but it means nothing if you already know where he’s aiming. The difference between them is that while Gojo creates the illusion of miracles, Saiki can really make them happen.
Moreover, if he really wanted, Saiki could rid everyone of their sorcery-like powers just as he altered human genetics to have historically inaccurate hair colours, but he doesn’t want to complicate things that much. Or to kill Gojo outright, for that matter.
Another attempt to hit Saiki ended up actually scratching him, Saiki’s mind just the tiniest bit preoccupied with taking down the real evil person in this situation. “Who are you?” Gojo demands, refusing to let Saiki plot in peace.
“Will you stop it? Look behind you, Sukuna’s about to attack again, idiot.”
Even though Saiki can predict all of Gojo’s actions to dodge them, and has the abnormal human strength and speed to do so, it’s getting a bit distracting. With considerably less hesitation than he had before Gojo started barreling attacks at him, Saiki removed his glasses.
The next instant, Gojo was stone. This was a lot better, Saiki thought, finding the room to breathe.
Now, before things escalate too much, Saiki decides he should put his plan into action. His plan, that is, to make Sukuna fall asleep.
Usually, Saiki would avoid using Mind Control. It was arguably his most powerful trait, but that was exactly why it was so dangerous. However, in a situation like this, he highly doubted that simple telepathy would work. What lullabies did curses even listen to?
Plus, this was far from the level that Mind Control could really reach. Just a single thought shouldn’t be too much, and in addition to his limiter, it’s unlikely he’d alter all of humanity this time.
In an instant, Sukuna dropped and Mahoraga disappeared. Sukuna, much to Saiki’s relief, didn’t move. Nor did it appear his chest was. Uh Oh. As alarmed as a practically all-knowing psychic could be, Saiki teleported to Sukuna’s side, and… sh*t.
Saiki kneeled down, the rubble digging into his knees, putting his head to Sukuna’s chest. He waited a few beats, then let out a sigh of relief. Thank god, Saiki relaxed. He thought he’d accidentally killed him and the poor boy’s soul in it.
Finally in some semblance of peace, Saiki used Astral Projection to remove Sukuna from the body he was occupying. From historical events of Sukuna needing to live inside a physical body to function (Exhibit A: the poor student’s body at Saiki’s feet), Saiki isn’t surprised when Sukuna comes out like some meshy blob of a spirit.
Now, all he needs is forty-four seconds and, by theory, Sukuna would be gone just like any spirit needing a physical body. Unfortunately, forty-four seconds couldn’t be longer once back-up dropped into the scene.
That Yuji kid was the first and most eager to appear, causing Saiki to apologize once more. “I’m sorry,” Saiki thinks, “But I don’t feel like talking or fighting right now.” Instantly, Yuji freezes into stone, and Saiki takes a deep breath of relief when forty-four seconds finally pass.
Frankly, he wasn’t sure what the long-term results would be, but he wasn’t doing this to be a hero. As long as his mom and classmates are safe, his mission is accomplished. Maybe Sukuna will dwell in the atmosphere for years before manifesting into a tangible curse again, or maybe he went straight to hell. Either way, he was gone for now.
Despite feeling more exhausted than he had been in a long time, Saiki reversed time on Gojo and Yuji before briefly explaining what they needed to know to avoid any sort of nation-wide search for him. As stated before, he didn’t want anything to do with sorcery, not even Kaidou’s fake haunted houses.
“I’m a psychic, not a sorcerer or a curse user," Saiki explains before they can even find their balance after being released from the stone. “I don’t want to be part of this, so don’t contact me.”
Then, cutting off their confusion and protests, Saiki teleported back home. To his delight, his mom had left a note on the kitchen table and coffee jelly in the fridge.
Saiki made his decision then and there. If Sukuna or any of the sorcerers and curses caused trouble again, he’d get rid of curses and sorcery altogether.
